I think I am reaching the climax of this chapter of my life story. You know - the part of the story with the most intensity. The MAXIMUM drama. This has got to be it. (please!!!)
Get something cold/warm to drink and cozy on up. This is a going to have you on the edge of your seat.
So where did I leave off? Oh yes. I posted about getting ready for my hubby’s big job interview and the really great leads on the house hunting. So why do I feel like we are right in the most intense part of the story? Well, read on my friends. Read on. (Missed the start? Read here for the reason my life is upside down.)
After I blogged Thursday night I went to bed. But I could not sleep. I suffer from insomnia but this was like nothing else. Usually after some serious awake time I eventually fall asleep. Even if it is just an hour or two. Thursday night - nothing. Not one single second of sleep was to be had for me. I tried all my usual tricks. I have 3 movies that I watch over and over that make me fall asleep from sheer boredom but I watched one of them twice! No sleep. I tried everything else I could think of. I then decided to read. I read the entire book. I love to read and can get hooked into books so I don’t like to read if I have insomnia (keeps me awake) but this one was really drab. Textbook boring. Should have put me to sleep in 2.2 seconds.
So when my hubby got up to get ready to go to the airport at the crack of dawn he was shocked that I was STILL awake. I have never, ever had this happen to me. Could you say anxious about life? Yup, I think so. Apparently I was nervous for my hubby (he slept like a log! grrr) and anxious about our shelter situation.
So hubby was kissed, wished good luck and dropped at the airport.
Ahh, now it’s time to start my day (or technically just continue the really long day I have already started). Got to love 6am. LOL
So I get the kidlets ready for school. Tired and cranky is all I want to say. This life stuff is hard on them too. So off they go – lunches, homework and kisses.
Now house hunting for me. Appointments, viewings, applications, paperwork, phone calls - then decision time. Decision made then....
Bad news. They won’t accept our dog. No matter how we insist that she is the perfect dog they say no. (Grr to all the renters out there who have ruined it for responsible pet owners. ) So now back to more decisions, more phone calls, more stress. More, more, more. So after much deliberation we make a very hard decision. We will have to let our dog go live elsewhere, with someone else. Ouch, but I have always been a firm believer that dog are animals (funny that I think that huh?) and animals do not come before humans. It always seemed so black and white my whole life. As hard as it is, we need to put ourselves before the dog. But I didn’t count on how it would make us all feel. I didn’t count on the grey.
1.jpg)
You see, we have had Merc, our dog, for 10+ years. To us she is the ultimate dog. I have had lots of dogs over my lifetime but I have never been as attached to a pet as I am to her. It is how we all feel about her. She really is our ultimate dog. I was not prepared on how giving her up would make us all feel. More loss on top of all the other losses we have had in the last 8+ weeks. She is alive and loved. Not a material item at all. Material items can come and go.
There were tears and heartache when the kids were told. It felt different then having to tell them we needed to start over. Different then needing to move, start a new school and make changes in our lifestyle. Those were beyond our control. Someone else had forced us into all that because of what they had done. This dog thing felt in our control. We actually had to make this decision. We couldn’t do it. Just could not do it. I couldn’t inflict anything else on my darling kidlets after they had been so brave through all this. No. No. NO!
So more phone calls, more looking at rentals, more stress. I have been awake now for 30+ hours and running on pure adrenaline. I cannot tell you how tired I was. Plus, I was dying to hear from my husband about his job interview. So I talked with my mom, my sisters - anyone who loved me and could help me with all this decision making and stress -lots of advice and shoulders to lean on.
Then I picked up my hubby from the airport. Good news. They loved him! They think he is the bees knees. LOL. The right dude for the job. Ahhhh, smile. I knew he would be amazing. He is an amazing dude. I am so proud of him. All that is left is salary negations. That is the only stressful thing left in regard to this to go through. Then we can relax.
But he is now exhausted. The interview lasted 6 hours. SIX HOURS! Can you imagine a job interview lasting 6 hours? Plus flying which is always weirdly tiring. Imagine giving quick, smart answers, making sure you are looking perfect for the job, and just generally being on your toes for that length of time? Total exhaustion since there are no reserves left.
So then we went back to my mom’s. Have I mentioned how small it is? This is what it looks when we are all in the apartment.
You see that little bit of space left near the ceiling? That’s only there ‘cause my mom wasn’t home. ;)
It was pure bedlam. The phone would not stop ringing with house rental stuff. Hubby is zonked. I was exhausted. The kidlets had reached their breaking point. (We have tried to shelter them from as much as possible but they are still aware. The stress is taking a toll on them too.) So more tears, more cuddles, more love. Austin, my husband, lay down on the floor to play Star Wars with Magnus. Complete mistake. J He was asleep in about 10.7 seconds. LOL, poor guy. So I cuddled and played and gave as much TLC as I could. I did the mom thing. You know – keep going ‘cause they need you. I was the energizer bunny! I was now awake for about 36 hours.
So I eventually get the kidlets to bed, get my husband off the floor and into bed and then quiet.... I was going to bed. (I was even looking forward to that dreaded double bed!) I was so tired I had called the dog Magnus and Magnus by the dog’s name – more than once! LOL. I am not sure I knew what my own name was at that point.
So I go to bed.
Surprise, surprise - I cannot fall asleep. How is that even possible at this point? LOL. Again, like the night before I pulled everything out of my bag of insomnia tricks. Even those things that people who do not suffer from insomnia advise you to do, lol. (Please, unless you have insomnia on a regular basis please, please do not offer an insomniac sleeping advice. They are libel to smack you – they are tired after all. ;) It is impossible to believe how ridiculous some of the “tips” people give are.)
But I digress. I am a grouchy insomnic.
I was wound up. It is hard to decompress with all this going on. I did eventually sleep sometime after 2 am (had been awake for 40 hours). But it was fitful and full of weird dreams. One was of me chatting on the phone to Barbara Streisand. WHAT???? I cannot even remember the last time I even thought about B. Streisand, lol. Another was about my husband trying to make this very strange and bizarre deck at a cottage I have no recollection of ever seeing. Seriously. Weird. Dreams.
So now we are caught up to today.
90% sure my hubby has a job – hooray!!! Sweet, sweet relief.
Possible shelter (all those non-stop calls that were coming through during last night’s bedlam). More on that in a bit.
This morning was a seriously crazy scramble as we had to go shopping for a birthday present for Harper’s new friend. She has been invited to very few non-family birthday parties over the years. This is a really big deal. (Please, next birthday party your kidlet has – invite that one kidlet that doesn’t quite fit in with everyone at school. They could use some compassion.) I am overwhelmingly happy about this for her. Actually, I am feeling full of tears as I write this. (I am a mom after all and she is my kidlet.)
So off she went to party. J Magnus needed some serious TLC so I spent a good chunk of this afternoon giving him what he needed. Oh how this momma’s heart aches for her kidlets.
Then Austin spent some one-on-one time with him. I decided to take a nap because of the last 48 hours. I feel as if I am walking through a fog. I am anxious about shelter. I need to find a place to live. But guess what?
I CANNOT SLEEP. My normal non-ability to sleep is caused by who knows what since I have dealt with it for years. This is pure stress non-sleeping. (That is a super technical terms it, lol)
So what do I do? I eventually get up. J I need to occupy myself but I have no energy for anything really. So I blog. J I write this whole crazy life story out for you to read. LOL. I smile as I write ‘cause what can you do but laugh? I mean, could it be more dramatic than this? Scratch that. I don’t want to know.
I feel as if I am exaggerating and embellishing all this. I mean, our lives were completely average 9 weeks ago. Right now, every second of every day feels dramatic. This feels like the climax though. The. Climax. That. Is. Going. To. Finish. With. A. Happy. Ending.
Hubby is going to finalize that job thing really soon.
I have a house. Application approved. Dog accepted - so glad we kept looking even though it added more stress. Decisions all made. I have apparently become superstitious because I am not going to tell you more about it. All I will say is it almost too good to be true. I cannot relax about it though. I need the ink to be dry on the lease. We sign it tomorrow.
Deep breath.
You know what they say. It will make a great story some day, right?